I'm telling you, he's not my son!
by Ashfirebolt
Summary: Five times people mistook Peter to be Tony's son and the one time Tony pretended he was.
1. The Waiter

_The Waiter_

"Food?" That was all Tony had to say to Peter. I mean, the kid was never not hungry. Sometimes Tony feared that May not knowing about the whole, Spider-Man and the advanced metabolism thing would cause the boy to be underfed so instead Tony make him get more than enough food every time they were together.

Like today for instance. Tony was busy working on a project with Peter's help. Tony would have been fine to sit there all day working but a barely audible rumble from Peter's stomach told him the boy would not. He knew Peter would never mention that he was hungry and that it was up to Tony to make sure the boy didn't starve.

He decided to wait a few minutes so that Tony wouldn't embarrass the boy before turning to him and asked if he wanted food. Peter immediately nodded, relieved at the concept of food.

They made their way down to a small cafe that was close by. The place was crowded and the staff were run off their feet. Because of this, it took them a while to get around to taking their orders.

"I'm going to head to the toilets, could you order for me if they come around?" Peter asked as he stood from the table. Tony nodded and the boy left.

A minute or two later a waiter finally made his way around to the table. "Hi Sir, sorry about the wait, what can I get you?"

"I'm going to order for the both of us, if you don't mind." Tony said as the waiter nodded. "I'll just have a grilled cheese sandwich and an espresso please." Tony paused as he waited for the waiter to write it down.

"And for your son sir?" The waiter asked just as Peter returned to the table.

Immediatly the pair of them started stuttering and dening that they were related. "Oh.. no, he's not, I'm not..."  
"No, I'm... just his.. um.. his..."

"He's my intern." Tony finally said.

"Oh, sorry, my bad." The waiter said. "It's just you look quite alike, you could be related." The waiter said with a small laugh. "Anyway, what can I get you?" He asked looking a Peter.

Peter answered and as the waiter left thing at the table got... awkward to say the least. Neither of them really knew where to look or what to say to one another.

In order to break the silence, Tony grinned at him and asked. "Do you think we look alike?"

Peter grinned at him. "You wish you looked like me." He answered mischievously.

Tony leaned over and playfully hit his head. "Less of the cheek boy or else I'll eat your food." He said pretending to be dead serious.

Peter gasped dramatically. "Mr Stark, you wouldn't dare, then what would I eat?" He asked him holding his chest in disbelief.

"Do we look alike though?" Peter asked thinking hard trying to picture himself beside Tony.

"Must be the sunglasses." Tony grinned.


	2. Steve

_Steve_

It was official. The accords were being lifted. Secretary Ross had stepped down and would have no more say in the matter. All of the Avengers were finally free.

Steve had been the first to contact Tony, said he wanted to meet to go over things that had happened since then. Tony had of course agreed, both men hoping to put the past firmly in the past.

Steve was scheduled to drop by the compound on a Wednesday, and like any old gentleman, he was bang on time.

They met in one of Tony's labs as he had been so engrossed in his work he had forgotten about the meeting. Friday had guided Steve into the lab.

"Working on anything interesting?" Steve asked. Tony jumped in surprise having not heard anyone entering.

"Steve! How are things?" He asked moving to shake his hand but Steve pulled him into a hug. Tony wasn't ever one for hugs but he was just glad to be back on speaking terms with the man.

"I'm good, how are things with you?" Tony asked stepping back and looking at Steve properly. He had gone from looking the America's sweetheart to looking like a scruffier version of himself. His eyes still held all of his boyishness but the rest of him had changed. Hardened by the elements he had faced, and yet he still looked well and Tony was glad to see he was healthy.

Steve was glad to see how happy Tony looked. He looked younger and healthier. Not the battered man he had abandoned in Siberia. Which he still felt immensely guilty about. But Tony no longer even seem remotely depressed or unhappy which was a far cry from the Tony he had experienced most of the time they had known each other.

"Ton- I just want to say sorry about how we left things, I can't get over how selfish and unreasonable I was being, I-.."

Tony raised a hand and cut the man off. "You were looking out for a friend. I get that. The way we left things weren't ideal but I understand why you did it and I

can only hope you can understand my point of view." Tony said.

Steve nodded. "I understand completely. I hope we can put it in the past and just move on, if you don't mind?"

Tony nodded. "Of course. Now tell me what you guys have been up to since I last saw you."

The two men sat down to catch up and Tony never realised that it was Wednesday and on Wednesday, Peter came around for his 'internship'

Something he was quickly reminded of, when Peter arrived into the room talking a mile a minute.

"Hey Mr Stark, you working on anything cool today? I got my report card back and guess what, I got an A in science. Thanks for your help with the project, it really did help out. Happy told me to tell you he's not a driver and that he doesn't want to be treated like one but I know he loves me really, anyway what the pl..."

Peter cut himself off when he noticed who was sitting in the room with his mentor. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt...I..."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Peter this is Steve, Steve, Peter." He said. "Now Peter why don't you go get Steve a cup of coffee, if you don't mind." Tony knew that Peter needed a few minutes to compose himself and stop acting like a fanboy. Peter nodded eagerly before leaving the room.

"Peter has arrived." Friday announced.

"Thanks Friday, I noticed." Tony said rolling his eyes once more.

Steve shot Tony a look of disbelief. For a second Tony was afraid that he had realised who Peter really was. That he had brought a teenager to a fight.

"Tony, please tell me you didn't?" Steve said

"Didn't what?" Tony asked deciding to act stupid.

"Does Pepper know?" Steve asked.

That really did confuse Tony. "Does Pepper know what?"

"That you have a son? Who's is he?" Steve asked him.

That was when Tony started laughing. Really and truly laughing. "He is not my son. He's my intern."

That caught Steve off guard. "Intern? But you said that it would be less hassle to build and train a robot than have to deal with an intern?"

"What can I say, he's really clever. And at this rate, I probably won't have kids so I need someone to take over from me."

Their conversation was interrupted with Peter returning with the drink.

"Here you go Mr America sir. I mean Captain- Sorry sir." Peter stammered leaving the mug down.

Steve laughed. "Thanks son, I appreciate it."

Peter nodded and went to walk out when Steve called him back.

"Where are you from?" Steve asked

"Queens sir." Peter grinned remembering a similar conversation.

"Brooklyn." Steve grinned and Peter left. It was only then that it dawned on his.

"Stark! I swear to god, don't tell me you intern, that child, is Spiderman."

All Tony could do was shrug awkwardly.

( _55 follows and 34 favourites in less than 24 hours! I can't actually believe it! Thank you all so much it really does mean the world to me, anyway this is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy!)_


	3. Clint and Natasha

_Clint and Natasha_

Clint was 'retired' so to speak. That was a known fact. What was an even better known fact was that he wouldn't be able to stay away for very long because it just was not in his nature.

It was also known that Clint and Natasha were basically joint at the hip when it came to certain situations, mostly work situations although sometimes just situations like house calls. So when the pair of them arrived at the compound one evening unannounced, well, it didn't really surprise anyone.

However what did surprise them when they walked in, was the teenager sitting crossed legged on the ceiling of the kitchen, and the very agitated Tony Stark standing below him bellowing up to him.

The pair shot each other confused looks but they decided not to make their presence known, just yet, just to see what was actually going on. Going unnoticed was a skill that both of them had perfected over the years what with one being a spy and the other being a hunter.

"Peter, I swear to God, you better get down from there before-" Tony was quickly cut off by the boy.

"Which God? Do you even believe in God? I mean, in all fairness, you've worked with an actual God on numerous occasions and you've fought against Loki, yet another God. So which one are you swearing to? Or is it a different God altogether? Do you reckon that the Greek Gods are real? That would be so cool. You know like Zeus or Poseidon or Ares. Was I telling you about the time-"

"Enough Peter! Get down from there now before you break your neck or fall or something." Tony said his impatience

Peter rolled his eyes. "I'm stuck to the ceiling, I won't fall. Besides I'm much safer up here than down there. You look like you want to kill me."

"I do want to kill you! What was one of my rules for you being allowed out on patrol? If you get so much as a scratch you come straight here. No questions asked. Was that not one of my rules?" Tony asked.

Peter gave a small nod looking slightly guilty.

"Oh so you remember? If you remember then why is it that I hear from Karen, not you, that you dislocated your arm by falling 6 stories because you ran out of web fluid, another thing I told you to always have excess of with you. And what did you do after dislocating you arm?" Tony asked.

"I shoved it back into place and kept going." Peter said sheepishly.

"You're grounded." Tony said. "No lab, no suit, no projects with me for a month."

Peter gaped at him. "A month? What? Do you know how many things happen in a night never mind a month? They need me!"

Tony shook his head. "Next time, come here when you get injured."

Peter groaned but he finally lowered himself to the floor.

"Go to your room, I'll shout you when dinner is ready." Tony sighed.

Clint and Natasha shot each other confused looks. "Looks like Starks past finally caught up to him." Clint signed at Natasha who nodded.

"Wonder if he's Peppers?" Natasha sign back before they both shrugged before deciding to make themselves known to the room. "Oh Stark." Natasha called. "You've got some explaining to do."

( _Hi, thanks for all the support you have given me! Reviews actually make me so happy so please continue to review! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! So far this is my most followed story and there's hardly any chapter up so far haha, anyway, until next time!)_


	4. Secretaries

_(Hi! Thank you all so much for the support this story has been getting, I can't believe it! I have all the chapters written so I should be updating every day until it's finished, so if you have any ideas for my next fic that you would like to see, let me know and I'll see what I can do! Please rate and review and I hope you enjoy!)_

 _Secretaries_

Today was a boring day of school, or so Peter thought. It was a revision day and he didn't really feel like he needed to revise. He knew what most of it meant and because of that, it was just a day of sitting around pretending to pay attention.

Any distraction was most definitely needed. Even if the biggest one was just Flash throwing bits of paper at his head. He knew it was coming. His senses told him. So he started to time how long between the warning and the actual shot itself. The biggest warning he had gotten was seven seconds.

Peter knew better than to properly dodge the paper, that would be too suspicious, but at the very last second he would throw his head back to yawn or he would stretch his head from side to side. Just enough that Flash would miss his mark.

Then he started to try and catch the pieces without making it too obvious what he was doing. Boredom really does make people do the strangest things. That meant he was the first to spot the fancy car pulling into the school. No one else seemed to notice

He couldn't see who left the car and so he went back to looking around him bored, Flash decided to throw something bigger than a bit of paper and instead chucked a metal pencil sharpener at his head. Thinking it was yet another piece of paper, Peter stayed where he was not bothering to actually move out of the way for it. He no longer really cared in all honesty

However he wasn't expecting the sharp pain from the sharpener hit. He gave a small jump putting his hand to the back of his head, his hand coming away slightly red with blood. It shocked him.

He didn't think Flash was expecting to cut him based on the look on his face. Just as Peter was about to ask to go the bathroom, there was a knock on the door and the new trainee secretary knocked on the door.

"Excuse me." She smiled. "Mr Parker, there's someone here to collect you."

Peter frowned, forgetting the cut, as he wondered who it might be. May was at work and basically everyone else he knew was either at school or work.

He quickly gathered his stuff and followed the secretary out of the class room, not before Ned had shot him an equally confused look.

In the office he found Mr Stark chatting to the secretary, the sign out sheet lying on the desk with Tony's intricate signature already scribbled on.

"Oh Peter, I was just about to tell Mr Stark here how nice it was to finally meet the man himself! We usually just have the pleasure of seeing Mrs May Parker! I now see where you get your intelligence from. Like father like son." The proper secretary laughed softly.

Tony opened his mouth to tell her that he wasn't Peters father when he noticed a red smudge on Peter's neck.

"Is that blood?" He asked shooting out of his seat to see the back of his interns head. "What happened?"

"Nothing, it's red ink, I smudged it on my neck." Peter said shrugging it off. "What's going on? Is May alright."

"Everyone is fine, I just remembered your dentist appointment and May sent me to collect you." Tony said although under his breath he muttered "Mission."

Peter nodded. "Oh yeah, of course, I forgot about the dentist."

Tony was still frowning at the back of Peters head. "I'll get Bruce to sort that out back at the compound."

"Bruce is here? Like the Bruce?" Peter asked excitedly. Tony just rolled his eyes and pushed Peter out of the office before the boy could start getting properly going, giving the secretaries a little wave as he went.

"It's so nice to see parents really getting along with their kids, isn't it?" The older secretary asked the newer one.


	5. Bruce and Thor

_Bruce and Thor_

In the car on the way home from school, Tony filled Peter in on what had happened in the compound since he had last seen him. Namely, how a large space craft had arrived, carrying both Thor, one eye less and far more hairless, and a still awkward looking Bruce Banner. Loki was there too but he choose to stay in the ship until the greetings had been made to avoid being blasted by something or someone.

They had come from Asgard after the battle with Helga, and after leaving the rest of the Asgardians off at another planet had decided to drop into Earth to leave Bruce home and visit their friends. Or enemies, depending on which brother you asked.

Tony and Peter had to do a quick mission while their guests settled in and rested before making their way up to the compound. Peter was unbelievably excited, not only about meeting actual Gods but Dr Bruce Banner was there! He had been Peters hero growing up. He had read all his scientific journals cover to cover which meant getting the chance to meet him meant everything to Peter.

Tony just rolled his eyes and asked Peter to please just act natural. The last thing he needed was a hyperactive teen jumping around, asking questions a mile a minute. One of the things Peter was especially good at.

Peter promised to be good and he hoped he could keep the promise.

Bruce was the first to greet the pair as they reached the compound. Peter was a ball of nerves but he held it together. Tony introduced him as his intern but even Bruce thought it was weird that Tony would have gotten an intern out of the blue. Especially one that he would collect from school himself.

But Bruce being the well-mannered professional he was, didn't mention it, but it didn't stop him from wondering.

"Steve, Clint and Natasha are up talking to Thor." Bruce informed Tony.

Tony nodded. "Come on then Pete, we have some introducing to do. But you've met Steve already haven't you?"

Peter nodded. "Yup, and Clint and Natasha walked in that day you were yelling at me."

"I wasn't yelling, I was concerned from your health and safety. And how did you know they were there? They said they were hidden."

"I see everything." Peter said dramatically widening his eyes.

Tony rolled his eyes and was about to walk upstairs when he remembered Peters head. "Oh Bruce, would you go and check Peters head for me please. It was bleeding earlier."

Bruce nodded as Peter groaned. "Mr Stark, there's nothing even there, it's fully healed."

"I'll let Brucie be the judge of that."

"Actually Ton, you should head up before Thor breaks another mug. Peter and I will be up in a second." Bruce said so that he wouldn't have Tony watching over him the entire time.

All of the group were gathered in the lounge chatting and drinking coffee. Thor grinned when he saw Tony entered.

"Excellent, the others have just been telling me of your offspring. Have you retrieved him from school?" Thor bellowed when he seen Tony enter.

Tony sighed. "I'm telling you, he's not my son."

"Well why have you got an intern then?" Steve asked.

"And why does he have his own room?" Clint asked.

"And you grounded him?" Natasha said.

"You also let him use your own lab and help with projects, you don't let anyone do that." Steve added.

"He is NOT my son, alright?" Tony sighed.

"You wish I was your son." Came a sarcastic voice behind him as Peter and Bruce entered the room.

"You wish I was your dad." Tony scoffed.

"Not if you were the last man on earth." Peter replied.

"Maybe I'll get cosy with May and you won't have a choice in the matter." Tony replied raising an eyebrow.

"May wouldn't go near you with a stick." Peter replied. Tony was going to say something clever back but he shrugged and realised that Peter was probably right. "True, she hates me."

Then Tony realised that he had yet to introduce Peter to the rest of them. "Peter this is everyone, everyone this is Peter, my INTERN."

They all smiled and gave Peter a little wave.

"Come, sit." Thor said gesturing to the seat beside him that had his axe resting on it. It was a trick he liked to play on newcomers. Peter shrugged and walked over, gently picking the axe up and leaving it on the ground beside Thor and sitting down.

The room went silent as everyone sat waiting with bated breath to see Thor's reaction. What they did not expect was Thor to burst out laughing. They looked at him in confusion.

"He is 100% not Starks son." Thor explained and Tony gave him the finger and shot a glare at the man.

(( _I hope you enjoyed reading!))_


	6. Tony

_(So here it is, the final chapter. Thanks so much to everyone who has read it, reviewed it and followed it. I'm so thankful to you all. I hope you enjoy!)_

 _Tony_

May had gone on holiday. It was a hen do, in all honesty but it was the first time she had gone abroad without Peter since before she had started looking after him. Due to this, she was, obviously, quite nervous about him. I mean the boy was a walking disaster. He always came home with bruises in weird places.

He was apparently clumsy although May had yet to find someone with better balance than Peter. But he said he was fine and he seemed happy enough so she left him be.

Tony offered to let him stay at the compound during the week. Keep him out of trouble. May agreed immediatly because god only knows what would end up happening to Peter if left completely by himself.

Peter was delighted with this thought, especially when Tony said he was going to arrange a big dinner with him and all the other Avengers. It was his dream dinner party.

He helped Tony with the cooking. They were having some type of shellfish, lobster or something like that. Peter had never tried lobster but he was willing to try anything.

The avengers arrived in drips and drabs. Peter was buzzing around the room chatting with all the different people that was there. Some of them, like Steve, knew that he was Spiderman, some of them, like Clint and Natasha, suspected he was but then some, namely Thor, didn't actually care who he was.

Thor had taken a special liking to the boy after the axe incident. Tony had feared that Thor would dislike the boy due to it but the opposite had actually occurred. Thor asked Peter for advice about his people. Asking his opinion on what to do in situations. Peter loved that an actual Norse God seen him in such light so it was no surprise that the two stuck together at the dinner.

The starter had gone down well, with everyone chatting to one another. It was just a soup dish, something Tony knew everyone would eat. Then they brought out the lobster.

Peter tried it but he wasn't very impressed with the taste of it. He had never really eaten any shellfish in all honesty. It wasn't something May had ever like so Peter had just avoided it.

But whilst in someone elses house, you sort of had to pretend to like the food. Otherwise it just sorta looked bad.

The lobster sort of burned Peters throat. He didn't find it spicy or anything but it just went down weirdly.

But he just ignored it.

"So hows school going Peter?" Bruce asked glancing over at the boy.

Peter nodded. "Yeah, it's going well, I- em..." Peter cut himself off with a small cough. "I only have another month or so before I..." Peter coughed again and attempted to clear his throat.

At this point Tony had noticed. He passed a glass down to Peter. "Take some water, it should help." He said

Peter nodded, taking a small drink, but he just ended up coughing it all over himself. His throat felt like it was closing up. He was starting to struggle to breath.

Tony watched him with concern. "Bruce, his lips are swelling up, what's going."

Bruce studied the boy carefully. "Peter, have you got any allergies? Any foods you can't eat."

Peter shook his head. "Not that I know off." He gasped.

"What about shellfish? Have you ever had a reaction to eating it before?" Bruce asked him concerned.

"This... this is my first time... trying it." Peter coughed.

"Oh shit Ton, I think he's having an allergic reaction. He needs to get to a hospital now, before this throat ends up closing up and he won't be able to breath." Bruce said urgently but Tony was already on his feet, assembling the Iron Man suit and grabbing Peter.

He was on his way to the nearest hospital with him before the others had the chance to properly react.

When they arrived at the hospital, Tony yelled for help, setting the boy down gently onto a stretcher.

A doctor rushed over and Tony explained the situation to him. The doctor started listing the procedures that needed to be done, or the medicines that were needed, or something like that but Tony was only half listening, his eyes trained on the teenager in front of him struggling to breath.

"Sir you need to sign here." The doctor said passing Tony a clipboard. Tony looked at him confused. "What? Why?"

"He's a minor, he needs a parents permission to receive these injections. You are the boys father aren't you?"

"If I said no would you just leave him there to die?!" Tony said looking at the doctor who shrugged. "We have to take the parents wishes. Otherwise we could be taken to court. Are you the boys father?"

Tony nodded, quickly signing his name. "Yeah, I am."

Peter's throat really hurt, but he could breathe, and that was relief. The first person he spotted was Tony. He opened his mouth to say his name but he was still quite croaky. He didn't really make a noise.

"You alright?" Tony asked spotting that he was awake. "You gave us quite a scare there."

Peter nodded. "M' fine" He croaked. That was when he noticed the room was full with the other, Steve, Bruce, Thor, Clint and Natasha. And a lot of baskets with get well messages lined the room.

"Oh yeah, Pete, just to let you know, if anyone asks, I'm your father and all of these are your aunts and uncles, alright?"

"What?" Peter asked confused. "Why?"

"Because otherwise we'd all have to leave and you would be dead." Natasha said bluntly. Steve and Tony both shot her a glare.

"You told the doctor I was your son?" Peter asked, Tony nodded.

Peter rolled his eyes. "At this rate, you might as well just adopt me."


	7. Time Will Save You

My kind of sequel to this story has officially been uploaded woo! It is called "Time Will Save You, You Don't Need To Save Yourself" I would love it you all where to give it a go but you don't need to have read this to read the new fic. Anyway thank you all for the support and I wish you all well!


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